21 August 2008

How to take a shower!!!

I was going to keep this for the Monday Merriment post, but I can't wait that long - it's just too good not to share :-)

PART 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
*
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
lights and darks.
*
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.. If you see husband along
the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the
mirror, make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
*
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,
wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage
shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
*
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
*
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
*
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
red.
*
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
*
Rinse conditioner off hair.
*
Shave armpits and legs.
*
Turn off shower.
*
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
*
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
*
Get out of shower.
*
Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent
towel.
*
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
*
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
*
PART 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
*
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in
a pile.
*
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake willy
at her while making the woo-hoo sound.
*
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. A dmire the size of your willy
and scratch your butt.
*
Get in the shower.
*
Wash your face.
*
Wash your armpits.
*
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.
*
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
*
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
*
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
*
Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
*
Pee.
*
Rinse off and get out of shower.
*
Partially dry off.
*
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the
whole time.
*
Admire willy size in mirror again.
*
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
*
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass the wife, pull
off towel, shake willy at her and make the woo-hoo sound again.
*
Throw wet towel on her pillow.
*
If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this,
there is something SO very wrong with you.
*

* *
Have a great day!
* *

*
Oh, and... **Woo-hoo!!!

6 comments:

foongpc said...

Ha ha! This is very funny! But seriously, if that's how a man shower I don't think I'm showering like a man!

Larry said...

Oh that was very, very funny and true for most of us.

Thanks for the laugh.

Kim said...

ROFL...hilarious...and very true...
I could relate...especially with the cleaning of the shower :) :)

yulia said...

LMAO... OMG this is very funny!! Thanks for the laugh! :D

RBV said...

OMG! I'm in tears I'm laughing so hard! Woo-hoo!

Sjeltur said...

Really funny.... but I believe ya forgot one part at the womans part;

the very last line should be;

* and again; missing the buss - and getting at least an hour late at the great party....

(sorry - really had to take "revenge".. ;) )