5 August 2008

The Ten Laws of Computing

1. If you have reached the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.

2. When you are computing, if someone is watching, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

3. When the going gets tough, upgrade your computer.

4. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you'd least expect to find it.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human...to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural..

7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up

8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

9. A complex system that doesn't work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

10 Alternative Laws of Computing

1. The more acronyms on a page, the harder the topic is to understand.

2. Inside every program is a small module struggling to find a life of its own.

3. Developeritus. Developers get their programs working perfectly on their machines, but they forget that their potential customers may have very different computer environments.

4. Computer project teams avoid monthly progress reporting because it demonstrates their lack of progress.

5. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the abilities of the programmer who must maintain it.

6. You will never solve any computer problem if you are in a bad mood.

7. When troubleshooting computer problems, people always assume that problem is the most obscure combination possible. Whereas, in reality the fault is invariably the simplest fault.

8. Every computer program expands to fill all the available memory.

9. If a computer supplier says a part is interchangeable, for example tape drives - they lie.

10. Remember that your computer makes as many mistakes in two pico seconds as fifty men working for a year.

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