27 June 2008

Another fine example of Politically Correct idiocy!

Asda have refused to print a baby snap of a woman's son for a 21st birthday cake... because he's naked.

When Gail Jordan asked staff at the Liscard,Wirral branch of Asda, she was told that because of the stores no nudity policy they were unable to make a special birthday cake for her son David's 21st Birthday. They finally allowed her to use the picture after she agreed to a star being placed over the offending bare bottom.

But Miss Jordan said she still believed Asda's policy was too strict.

'You see adverts all the time for things like nappies and baby wipes which feature babies' bottoms, so what's the difference?' she said. 'I just think it's ridiculous that my son's cake had to be censored.

'It's sad that because of the world we live in such an innocent photograph could be misinterpreted as something perverted. It's crazy how politically correct the world has become.'

Her son, who works at a bookmakers, added: 'It's just my bare bum, it's obviously totally harmless. It's stupid that they could suggest something so innocent could be pornographic.'

A spokesman for Asda confirmed its blanket ban on bare flesh.

'We have a policy, as do many other retailers, of no nudity, whatever the age of the subject,' he said. 'In this case we offered a number of alternatives including enlarging and cropping the photo, increasing the border size or applying a strategically placed star to save his blushes'.

To the best of my knowledge babies are born into this world naked. This is entirely natural. That Asda sees the picture of a young infant on a family birthday cake as a pornographic object speaks volumes for their own state of mind. Any normal, well balanced person (98% of us) understands that it is simply harmless fun.

This is yet another seemingly minor example of society being forced down a path of mistrust where humour and harmless mischief are seen to be a sinister cloak for more devious behaviour by the paranoid 2%. The sad thing is that these 2% are starting to control our lives and yet we appear to lack the will to fight back. I think it's time for the pendulum of political incorrectness to start swinging back once again.

Because if you think that was bad enough, you ain't seen anything yet!

According to forthcoming government policies, parents will need permission to kiss their own children in public or to take them to the local swimming pool.

This article describes how one woman was told she couldn't kiss her daughter goodbye on a school trip because she'd not been vetted.

Scary, isn't it?

26 June 2008

What you need to know about wind turbines as UK Government plans to spend £100 Billion on them

In response to EU requirements, the Government is today publishing its plans for a massive new drive to build thousands of wind turbines, at the staggering cost of £100 Billion. This is to enable them to meet a target set by the EU, which requires Britain within the next 12 years to generate 38 per cent of our electricity from 'renewable' energy sources.

At present, barely 1 per cent of this country's power comes from the 2,000 wind turbines already built - less than the output of a single conventional power station. To comply with the EU's wishes, we would actually need to build at least 30,000 turbines.

In fact, as the Government knows, there is not the remotest chance that we can meet that EU target, which is why it talks about building only 10,500 new turbines - 7,000 offshore, another 3,500 across our countryside. On its own figures, the Government is already implicitly admitting that we shall hopelessly miss our target. Of course, ministers do not tell us that.

But this is only the start of the madness. There isn't, in fact, the faintest chance that we can meet even the Government's own much smaller target. To build those turbines offshore alone would mean lowering 7,000 colossal steel structures into the seabed, each the size of Blackpool Tower, at a rate of more than two every working day between now and 2020. In practical terms alone this is sheer pie-in-the-sky. The technical resources are simply not available to achieve more than a tiny fraction of this figure.

But there is another important point the Government is trying to conceal about this crackpot policy, as it always does when it is talking in Walter Mitty numbers about the supposed benefits of wind power.

To continue reading this interesting article by Christopher Booker click HERE

New UK bill discriminates against white males!

Well this government has finally lost its marbles! Harriet Harman, the Equalities Minister, is about to introduce a Bill that allows positive discrimination out of the bag. It failed in America and it will cause more harm than good here. The Equality Bill before parliament today gives employers the right to choose an ethnic minority candidate or female candidate over another, a white male, specifically because they are an ethnic minority or female. Miss Harman will be keen to stress that businesses will not be compelled to favour the woman or the black candidate, but the law will be changed to ensure they could not be sued for turning down a white man. What is this if not discrimination of a sort?

This is a mistake. A company should recruit on talent and that's that. If it discriminates on grounds of race or gender it is stupid and deserves everything it gets. Positive discrimination is a sure fire way to create resentment and will tend to only increase prejudices, if the Daily Express front page today is anything to go by: 'White men face jobs ban as new law favours ethnic minorities and women'.

Responding to criticism that the plans could discriminate against white men, Harman said "you don't get progress if there isn't a bit of a push forward." So one group suffers while another gets preferential treatment, so much for equality in the workplace.

It's also interesting that Harman is wheeling out the accusation that it's ingrained prejudice in business that is causing the gender pay gap. She must have forgotten the government's own Women and Work Commission, which was quite clear that this was not the overriding problem when it came out in 2006. Rather, it said better education for women was the key. Interesting that it no longer seems to be available on line (or am I just being paranoid?).

It also shows that Harriet Harman has absolutely no understanding of the European Convention on Human Rights(ECHR) and the Human Rights Act(HRA) that brought it into British law. The ECHR and HRA ban any form of discrimination on grounds of race or gender, the first time this new act is challenged in court it will be ruled incompatible with the ECHR and HRA and this will leave the employer who followed the act facing at least a six figure bill and more likely seven!

If the reaction to the headlines in my office is anything to go by, the anger being felt around the country will have serious repercussions and this government is storing up big trouble for itself, just another nail in its coffin and sooner or later the Sword of Damocles will fall. Unfortunately in the meantime, its the country that suffers yet again for their politically correct misguided ideas.

For more information on the new Equality Bill & Harriet Harman click HERE

Harriet Harman is the woman who couldnt wait to implement an EU Directive banning barmaids from being chatted up - bet you didn't know about that one eh?

25 June 2008

How the EU is going to ride roughshod over Irish NO vote

1. EU leaders carry on with Lisbon Treaty regardless of Irish no vote

On 12 June, voters in Ireland rejected the EU Lisbon Treaty by 46.6% to 53.4% in a national referendum. Turnout was relatively high, at 53%.

However, despite the resounding no vote, EU leaders meeting in Brussels last week decided to press ahead regardless, agreeing that ratification of the Treaty should continue in other countries. They also agreed that Irish voters should eventually be asked to vote again, until they say 'yes'.

Despite claiming that they want to "respect" the Irish no vote, EU leaders across the whole of Europe have no intention of doing so. They are determined to press ahead with the Lisbon Treaty.

Here are just some of the extraordinary reactions to the Irish vote from Europe's leaders:

"They [the Irish] are bloody fools. They have been stuffing their faces at Europe's expense for years and now they dump us in the s***."
- Nicolas Sarkozy, French President (Times, 20 June)

"The Lisbon Treaty is not dead... It is imperative that they vote again."
- Valery Giscard d'Estaing, former French President and author of the EU Constitution (RTL, 19 June)

"I don't think you can say the treaty of Lisbon is dead even if the ratification process will be delayed."
- Jean-Pierre Jouyet, French Europe Minister (Reuters, 16 June)

"I am convinced that we need this Treaty. Therefore we are sticking with our goal for it to come into force. The ratification process must continue."
- Frank-Walter Steinmeier, German Foreign Minister (Reuters, 14 June)

"Of course we have to take the Irish referendum seriously. But a few million Irish cannot decide on behalf of 495 million Europeans."
- Wolfgang Schaeuble, German Interior Minister (Deutsche Welle, 15 June)

"We think it is a real cheek that the country that has benefited most from the EU should do this. There is no other Europe than this treaty. With all respect for the Irish vote, we cannot allow the huge majority of Europe to be duped by a minority of a minority of a minority."
- Axel Schäfer, SPD leader in the German Bundestag (Irish Times, 14 June)

The Treaty "will be applied, albeit a few months late."
- Lopez Garrido, Spanish Europe Minister (Forbes, 15 June)

"The Treaty is not dead. The Treaty is alive, and we will try to work to find a solution."
- Jose Barroso, European Commission President (Press Conference, 14 June)


To see more, click here:
http://www.openeurope.org.uk/research/irelandbriefing.pdf
This is an extraordinary refusal to accept the democratic will of the people. Ireland has been the only country allowed to have a referendum on the Treaty, and has said no. By the EU's own rules, the Treaty can only enter into force if all 27 member states have ratified it. Therefore, the Treaty should now be dead. It is completely unacceptable that other countries are continuing to ratify the Treaty in the hope of forcing Ireland to vote again, under pressure from the prospect of 26 other countries having ratified it. EU leaders are proving once again that they are simply unable to take 'no' for an answer.

2. Petition against UK ratification gains 26,000 signatures in under a week

Following the no vote, a petition was set up on the Downing Street website, urging Gordon Brown to respect the Irish decision and stop ratification of the Lisbon Treaty in the UK. In only 6 days, the petition received over 26,000 signatures, making it the fastest growing online petition (now closed).

Despite this, ratification continued, with the House of Lords last week voting in favour of the Treaty. The final stage of ratification in the UK will now take place once the Government has heard the verdict of Stuart Wheeler's court case, who is fighting against the Government's refusal to hold a referendum. The outcome of the case is expected this week.

3. What you can do now

Of all 27 EU member states, the Czech Republic is the only country which appears ready to accept the Irish no vote. Czech President Vaclav Klaus called the vote a "victory of freedom and reason" and said "ratification cannot continue", and Prime Minister Mirek Topolanek has said, "The Irish 'No' is not of a lesser impact for us than the French and Dutch 'No'."

Despite pressure from all the other EU leaders at the summit in Brussels last week, Mr. Topolanek objected to a declaration calling for rapid ratifications in the seven other countries - including his own - that are yet to agree the Treaty.

The Czech Senate has stalled ratification to await a constitutional court ruling on the Lisbon Treaty and Mr. Topolanek said: "If the vote was today, I would not bet 100 crowns [about £3] on a yes vote."

Please write to Czech Prime Minister Mirek Topolanek, offering him your support and letting him know he is not alone, despite the immense pressure he is under from other EU leaders to continue to ratify the Treaty regardless of the Irish no vote.

You can contact him here: topolanek.mirek@vlada.cz

4. What happens next?

The Irish no vote has bought time, but the struggle is far from over. The I WANT A REFERENDUM campaign team continues to fight the battle for democracy on all fronts. You can find much of the work they do at the OPEN EUROPE website. Please also dIsplay this banner on your website or blog to encourage other people to get involved.

Sign up to the I Want a Referendum campaign

He said.......She said

This is a PC Free Zone

He said . . .. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said .. . You wear pants don't you?

He said .. . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.

He said . . ..What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . ...Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

On a wall in a ladies room . .. "My husband follows me everywhere"
Written just below it . . " I do not"

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.

Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.

Q..Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so
beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her so
dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."

We've all spoken to him!



24 June 2008

Want a Label Cloud for Blogger?

Got a Blogger blog? Lots of labels?, too many in fact to display in a long list as provided by Blogger? Fancy one of those nice label clouds you can see on other blogs?

Well now you can have one too. This website gives detailed, easy instructions on just how to do it. It consists of 3 pieces of html code to insert into your existing code which takes minutes, and instruction for changing variables such as font colour & size, restricting labels displayed to those with more than one instance etc are provided as well.

23 June 2008

Want to turn off Snap Shots?

I like Snap Shots, in fact I've used them on this blog for relevent links, but I accept that a lot of people would prefer not to see them on websites and blogs they visit so......

Here’s how to prevent Snap Shot enabled Web sites from popping up those Snap Shot windows:

Go to a Web site that uses Snap Shot

Roll over a link and let Snap Shot go to work

On the pop-up that appears, roll your cursor over the icon in the upper-right corner (the one that looks like a sprocket); it will drop down a menu with “Options” and “Disable”

Click “Options”

On the Options menu that appears, check Disable for “ALL sites”

Click “Save”

In theory, that will stop Snap Shot from working anywhere you find it. In reality, it just slows it down, because Snap Shots always seem to come back at some point.

I think it’s based on cookies, so when you disable Snap Shot like this, it works until you clear your cookies. After clearing your cookies, the “Disable” setting will also be cleared and you’ll have go through this procedure again.

Blog of the Week: Midlife Gals (tm)

Today I came across a great blog and I'm making it my Blog of the Week! It's the Midlife Gals (tm), written by KK & SalGal, two sisters living in Texas with their ageing mother 'The Ancient One'. They describe themselves as twisted midlifers, prancing their way through life with irreverence, humor and insight. Their blog is very funny, with great Seinfeldian daily observations. I highly recommend you give it a visit, especially if you are a 'Midlifer' yourself.

They also have about 20 videos on YouTube many with their own hilarious film reviews of new movies.

Go visit :-)

Meetings! Don't ya just love em?



Car for sale ............Blue VW Golf

The following is an actual advertisement in an Irish Newspaper..!

1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf
Only 15 km
Only first gear and reverse used
Never driven hard
Original tires
Original brakes
Original fuel and oil
Only 1 driver Owner
Wishing to sell due to employment lay-off
Please see photo below..........





E-Mail Forwarding!

For those of you who are sick of getting e-mails that tell you to forward it to at least X number of people in the next 15 minutes so that wonderful things and miracles will happen if you do, or there will be serious consequences if you don't, then you will enjoy this.

This is hilarious! (and it's ABOUT TIME someone did this!) CLICK HERE!!!

Two glasses of wine!

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of wine....

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full."

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else; the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff , you will never have room for the things that are important to you."

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. Do one more run down the ski slope. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of glasses of wine with a friend."

Tommy Cooper style jokes!

1. Two blondes walk into a building....you'd think at least one of
them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy
marijuana, press the hash key...

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts!"

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day - but I
couldn't find any

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks
are too high.

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know
you can't, I've cut your arms off.

8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your
kayak and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his
head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' 'That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual..'

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have
a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he
checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him
down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck
up my backside.' 'How's that?' 'Don't you start.'

15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you
give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your
oyster, go for it.'

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?
But I think its Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The
other one says 'So are you, you fat ba*tard!'

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let
the other one off.

21. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine..'
So that was nice.'

22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in
several places' The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore'

23. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search
and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that
number to climb As digging continues into the night!


A Geography Lesson

A) FEMALE GEOGRAPHY

- Between 18 and 25, a woman is like Africa : wild, naturally beautiful and full of mysterious, fertile deltas.





- Between 26 and 34, a woman is like America : well-developed and open for trade, especially for those with stacks of money.



- Between 35 and 44, a woman is like India : sensual, relaxed, in full bloom, aware of her beauty.









- Between 45 and 54, a woman is like France : deliciously mature, still a pleasant destination to visit.






- Between 55 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia : a lost war, haunted by the mistakes of the past. Major reconstruction work is mostly the only answer.




- Between 61 and 65, a woman is like Russia : vast, with undefined frontiers. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors.



- Between 66 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia : a glorious past, great conquests, but without a future.




- After 70, a woman is like Afghanistan or the north pole : many know its whereabouts, but no-one dares to venture there...




B) MALE GEOGRAPHY




Between 15 and 90, a man is like Zimbabwe : ruled by a dick...


A lesson learned

A married man left work early one Friday, but instead of going home, he
spent the weekend partying and watching football ALL DAY with the boys
and drinking himself into a stupor. When he finally returned home on
Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it.

After a few of hours of ranting and screaming, his wife paused and
pointed at him and made him an offer. 'How would you like it if you
didn't see me for a couple of days?'.....

The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said,
'That would suit me just fine!!'

Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her..............
.
.
.
.
.
.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a
little out of the corner of his left eye.


The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

One for the ladies!

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma '
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
-----------------------------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-----------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
----------------------------------------------- --
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-----------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
-----------------------------------------------

22 June 2008

Transfer Complete!

Although this blog is new the posts are not and have been transferred over from 'Tails of Terror' my other blog. That transfer is now complete so everything from now is guaranteed new! But I hope that those who have not visited my sites before will find the older posts interesting or entertaining. Why not browse the post history for 21st & 22nd June and see what you can find :-)

Search Me: A great new search engine

SEARCHME.COM is a new search engine that shows you the search results as a stack of pages you can flip through, (rather like iTunes album covers display). Searchme's engine delivers results as a browsable stack of "pages" -- pictures of actual web pages that users can check out before visiting them. Searchme also suggests categories to users as they type in search terms, providing shortcuts to the best results. I love this, great for browsers as well.

Try putting your surname in and a little green tree appears with the word “genealogy” written over the top. This gives you the option of searching for only genealogy sites or everything.



Convert your photos to antiques in seconds

Have you ever wondered what your photographs would look like if you were taking the same shots 100 years ago? I’ve come across this GREAT SITE that’ll convert any jpeg you upload (or point it to on the web) into an antique in seconds. It’s really rather clever, doing a lot more than simply putting a warped border around it and converting it to sepia.

If you don’t read Japanese, don’t worry, there is a button at the top to translate it into English.

The resulting jpeg image can then be saved to your hard drive (if you prefer it in sepia it is easy to change in your photo editor or online at sites such as Flickr) Here’s a sample before and after I made earlier.

If you have sons you’ll like this - and even if you don’t!

Some interesting things you find out when you have sons, like:-

1.A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 200 m2 house to a depth of 10cm.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust balls and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 20 Kg boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 6m x 6m room.

5. You should not throw cricket balls up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a cricket ball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-glazed) doesn’t stop a cricket ball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies,

10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how many jelly crystals you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like jelly crystals.

15. VCR’s do not eject ‘BL&T’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that smell is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Brisbane, Qld, has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

80% of Men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

Out of the mouths of babes!

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom with the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don’t change horses until they stop running.

2. Strike while the bug is close.

3. It’s always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but How?

6. Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.

7. No news is impossible

8. A miss is as good as a Mr.

9. You can’t teach an old dog new Math.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust Me.

12. The pen is mightier than the pigs.

13. An idle mind is the best way to relax .

14. Where there’s smoke there’s pollution.

15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is not much.

17. Two’s company, three’s the Musketeers.

18. Don’t put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and You have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don’t succeed get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you See in the picture on the box

24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.

25. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.

and the WINNER and last one!

26. Better late than Pregnant

For all you Baby Boomers out there!

Over 50? You gotta see this

For a Great Animated Cartoon from Walt Handelsman - Pulitzer Prize-winning political cartoonist and animator, click the link above. If you enjoy it as much as I did there’s more of Walt’s stuff HERE

Worlds earliest recording of Computer Music

Further to my earlier post Voices from the Past: The Worlds Oldest Sound Recording I have now discovered the earliest recording of computer music from 1951.

The recording has been unveiled as part of the 60th Anniversary of “Baby”, the forerunner of all modern computers. The music was produced on a Ferranti Mark 1 computer, a commercial version of the Baby Machine. It consists of a rendition of God save the King, Baa Baa Black Sheep & part of Glenn Millers ‘In the Mood’. The songs were captured by an outside broadcasting unit from the BBC in the Autumn of 1951 during a visit to the University of Manchester to record an edition of Children’s Hour.

To hear it for yourself go HERE

Visit the BBC’s website for more information.

Survey reveals geographical ignorance of American children

It would appear that more and more young Americans know less and less about the world they inhabit. A recent survey has revealed that the average 18 to 24 year old could only answer 54% of questions correctly. This is indeed a depressing and worrying figure.

Over 60% of Americans aged 18-24 couldn’t find Iraq on a map of the Middle East (yes, a map of the Middle East… not even a map of the world) in a 2006 survey (that’s three years after the start of the war). The survey found a few other interesting facts:

Only 50% think that map-reading skills are “absolutely essential”
Despite that fact, 75% couldn’t find Iran or Israel on the same Middle East map.
65% couldn’t find the UK on a world map.
88% couldn’t find Afghanistan on a map of Asia.
Half of people couldn’t find India or Japan on the Asian map
70% couldn’t find North Korea, and only 37% knew that the North/South Korea border is more heavily fortified than the US/Mexico border and the China/Russia border (both of which are mostly barren).
Only 35% knew about the huge earthquake in Pakistan, which had killed 70,000 people only a few months before the survey.
74% of people thought that English is a more common first language than Mandarin Chinese(which was picked by 18%).
When asked to pick the country with a Muslim majority (between Indonesia, India, Armenia, and South Africa), 48% thought it was India (which is only 10% Muslim) and only 25% picked Indonesia (which is over 80% Muslim).
More interestingly, people thought that the Mississippi’s flow had something to do with Hurricane Katrina.

Even for U.S. geography, the survey results are just as dismal.

Half could not find New York State on a map of the United States!

A third of the respondents could not find Louisiana, and 48 percent couldn’t locate Mississippi on a map of the United States, even though Hurricane Katrina put these southeastern states in the spotlight in 2005.

Many young Americans also lack basic map-reading skills.

Told they could escape an approaching hurricane by evacuating to the northwest, only two-thirds could indicate which way northwest is on a map.

Perhaps even more worrying is the finding that few U.S. young adults seem to care.

Fewer than three in ten think it’s absolutely necessary to know where countries in the news are located. Only 14 percent believe speaking another language fluently is a necessary skill.

Fewer than one in five young Americans own a world map.

This geographic ineptitude was further emphasized when young Americans were asked questions on how the United States fits into the wider world.

Three in ten respondents put the U.S. population between one and two billion (it’s just under 300 million, according the U.S. Census Bureau). Seventy-four percent said English is the most commonly spoken native language in the world (it’s Mandarin Chinese).

Although 73 percent knew the U.S. is the world’s largest consumer of oil, nearly as many (71 percent) did not know that the U.S. is also the world’s largest exporter of goods and services, when measured in terms of monetary value; half think it’s China.

And what about India, which features prominently in the job-outsourcing debate, even more so in the USA than the UK? Forty-seven percent of young Americans were unable to locate where their jobs may well go on a map of Asia.

On a positive note, since 2002 the percentage of young Americans who use the Internet for news has more than doubled from 11 percent to 27 percent. Respondents who use the Internet were found to do better on the survey than those who do not. So perhaps as Internet usage increases so will Americans geographical knowledge. But as long as the American educational system is obviously failing its young people in this respect there is more and more liklihood of a dangerous trend towards isolationism born out of ignorance. It might be worth whoever wins the election in November giving this some consideration - just don’t hold your breath.

Panorama: Daylight Robbery - What Happened to the $23 Billion? (video)

I am sitting here watching a Panorama Special on the BBC called ‘Daylight Robbery - What Happened to the $23 Billion?’ in which reporter Jane Corbin investigates the whistleblower cases which threaten to reveal the secrets of billions of dollars worth of waste and corruption during the past five years in the Middle East, particularly Iraq and Kurdistan. To give just one example - in the run-up to the invasion one of the most senior officials in charge of procurement in the Pentagon objected to a contract potentially worth seven billion that was given to Halliburton, a Texan company, which used to be run by Dick Cheney before he became vice-president.

Unusually only Halliburton got to bid - and won. The objecting official was subsequently demoted, despite years of service.

When the US and its allies went to war they gave corporate America contracts for caterers, security guards, translators, interrogators etc, not to mention the supposed rebuilding of Iraq. It has now been revealed that 5 years later there is $23 BILLION either stolen, missing or not properly accounted for! But because of gagging orders on the whistleblowers the American public is not being told the truth.

According to one report, 363 tons of crisp, new $100 bills — $12 billion in cold cash — were airlifted to Baghdad in the days immediately after the May 2003 invasion. The video footage surfaced on TV as Paul Bremer, the guy who ran Iraq from May 2003 to June 2004, testified before Henry Waxman’s House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. If Waxman thought Bremer could account for all that boodle, he was destined for disappointment. Frank Willis, described as senior official of the Coalition Provisional Authority, acknowledged that “Iraq was awash in cash.” An attorney for a group called Iraq Whistleblowers claims, “The environment created by the coalition positively encouraged corruption.”

Now as the alleged corruption involved in these contracts comes to the surface, Jane Corbin speaks to those involved and asks, what happened to the missing $23 billion. It makes shocking viewing! The scale of fraud and corruption by some of America’s biggest corporations is appalling and so many people had their snouts in the trough and the amounts involved are mind boggling.

Henry Waxman has said: “The money that’s gone into waste, fraud and abuse under these contracts is just so outrageous, its egregious.

“It may well turn out to be the largest war profiteering in history.” Now i’m not naive, I know war profiteering has always gone on - and always will, but this time the scale is so huge and the fraud and corruption seems to have been endemic and it would appear that as long as G.W. and his cohorts are in power there is very little liklihood of any proper investigation or justice occurring. And frankly makes a mockery of the American democratic justice system. All this makes me so angry as I have always admired America, have crossed it twice ‘from sea to shining sea’ so seen a lot of it and love its people. So to see their President and his corporate cronies take them for mugs is so depressing - and I say that with no political ax to grind, only as an interested observer.

And all this doesn’t even begin to address what the poor Iraqi people have had to endure, as a lot of the money that has been siphoned off should have gone to help rebuild their infrastructure and frankly hasn’t.



You should be able to see the whole program here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/ (at least for the next 4 days)

The BBC’s Webpage about the programme is here: BBC uncovers lost Iraq billions
Whats a Billion?

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it’s releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

When Grandma Goes to Court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’

She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’

The defense attorney nearly fell over.

The judge summoned both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair!’

Bloggers Unite: Human Rights includes Free Speech

May 15, 2008

BLOGGERS UNITE is an initiative designed to harness the power of the blogosphere to make the world a better place. By challenging bloggers to blog about a particular social cause on a single day, a single voice can be joined with thousands of others to help make a real positive difference.

Today e-mail allows groups to grow from a dozen friends to a hundred hobbyists to a huge, national organization. Meanwhile, blogging is transforming journalism, and websites like Wikipedia and the Internet Archive are part of a new Library of Alexandria being built online.

In countless ways, the Internet is radically enhancing our access to information and empowering us to share ideas with the entire world. Free speech thrives online, freed of limitations inherent in other media and created by traditional gatekeepers.


Preserving the Internet’s open architecture is critical to sustaining free speech. But this technological capacity means little without sufficient legal protections. If laws can censor you, limit access to certain information, or restrict use of communication tools, then the Internet’s incredible potential will go unrealized.

Governments around the world have time and again tried doing just that—indeed, censorship laws have often aimed at speech that could not be similarly restricted offline. And when old laws are not properly adapted to this medium, it’s all too easy for governments, companies, and individual litigants to undermine your rights.

The EFF (Electronic Frontier Foundation) defends the Internet as a platform for free speech and believes that when you go online, your rights should come with you. Learn more HERE and consider supporting their efforts.

Display the Blue Ribbon to support the essential human right of free speech, a fundamental building block of free society, affirmed by the U.S. Bill of Rights in 1791 and by the U.N. Declaration of Human Rights in 1948.



Voices from the Past: The Worlds Oldest Sound Recording plus Florence Nightingale & others

The voice of an unknown woman singing in a lamp-lit Paris laboratory nearly 150 years ago came to life on the 28th March 2008 amid the crackles and buzz of a historic breakthrough recording made 17 years before Edison invented the phonograph.

“It’s ghostly. It’s magic,” audio historian David Giovannoni said of the sounds that filled a Stanford recital hall. “This voice is a young woman trying to come into the 21st century to sing for us. It’s like discovering the world’s oldest photograph and learning that the photograph was taken 17 years before the invention of the camera,” Giovannoni said. “In this case, the oldest sound that we can generally hear, up until today, has been from 1888. This predates it by 28 years. . . .”
Giovannoni played the sound again for a loudly applauding audience of 150 scientists, musicologists, audiophiles and phonograph collectors who had come to hear the long-ago French soprano singing “Au Clair de la Lune” in warbling tones restored by physicists at the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory.

The music had been transformed from barely visible waves originally etched on soot-blackened paper by a Parisian typesetter named Édouard-Léon Scott de Martinville. Created on April 9, 1860, it is the first known recording of any sound. A phonograph of Thomas Edison singing a children’s song in 1888 was previously thought to be the oldest record.

Read the full story here and hear the recording for yourself!

Something I have always been fascinated with is history. And as the BBC is going to be broadcasting a new programme about Florence Nightingale soon I thought it would be a good idea to publicise the recording made of her speaking back in 1890 which is available on the British Library website. This remarkable recording was made on 30 July by the British representative of Thomas Edison in aid of the Light Brigade Relief Fund, following public concern about the destitution of survivors of the Charge of the Light Brigade at the battle of Balaclava in 1854.

I remember the first time I heard this recording, which only lasts a minute or so, but to hear the voice of so famous a person from so long ago suddenly brings them right into the present and seems to make them more real and not just a name in a history book.

Listen to Florence Nightingale (30 July 1890)

Other voices from the past at the same site include:-
Stanley Baldwin
Margaret Thatcher
Bertrand Russell
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Vladimir Ilich Lenin
David Lloyd George
George V
Princess Elizabeth
Christabel Harriette Pankhurst

Top 10 April Fools Day Hoaxes inc. Flying Penguins Video

April 1, 2008



To see how this video was made go HERE.

Talking of April Fools Day, I saw the BBC’s spoof this morning. Apparently a colony of flying penguins have been found in Antarctica! It was very well done, the film clips showing all these penguins flying was brilliantly done. I can’t help wondering how many people it fooled. I always remember the famous Swiss Spaghetti Tree Harvest they did a number of years ago and how many people thought that was for real. There was another one in our local Metro newspaper, this was about a new BMW car that had electric shock technology installed that gave any dog that cocked its leg against the wheels a 200 volt shock! (I don’t think so!)There was even a diagram purporting to show how the system works with a detailed technical description. Someone had obviously spent quite some time coming up with this (I cant help wondering if they had a personal reason for this particular choice of subject :-).

For those not familiar with this particular custom this is the intro to Wikipedia’s entry:

April Fools’ Day or All Fools’ Day, though not a holiday in its own right, is a notable day celebrated in many countries on April 1. The day is marked by the commission of hoaxes and other practical jokes of varying sophistication on friends, enemies and neighbors, or sending them on fools’ errands, the aim of which is to embarrass the gullible. Traditionally, in some countries, the jokes only last until noon. If you play a trick on someone after this time you are the April Fool.[1] Elsewhere, for example in France, the jokes may last all day. There’s plenty more if you are interested at Wikipedia

These are the TOP 10 April Fools Day Hoaxes of all time.

#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied that they should “place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best.”

#2: Sidd Finch
In its April 1985 edition, Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch, and he could reportedly throw a baseball at 168 mph with pinpoint accuracy. This was 65 mph faster than the previous record. Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the “art of the pitch” in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the “great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa.” Mets fans celebrated their teams’ amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. But in reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the author of the article, George Plimpton.

#3: Instant Color TV
In 1962 there was only one tv channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white. The station’s technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that, thanks to a new technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to display color reception. All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their tv screen. Stensson proceeded to demonstrate the process. Thousands of people were taken in. Regular color broadcasts only commenced in Sweden on April 1, 1970.

#4: The Taco Liberty Bell
In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. The best line of the day came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. Thinking on his feet, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. It would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

#5: San Serriffe
In 1977 the British newspaper The Guardian published a special seven-page supplement devoted to San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semi-colon-shaped islands. A series of articles affectionately described the geography and culture of this obscure nation. Its two main islands were named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. Its capital was Bodoni, and its leader was General Pica. The Guardian’s phones rang all day as readers sought more information about the idyllic holiday spot. Few noticed that everything about the island was named after printer’s terminology. The success of this hoax is widely credited with launching the enthusiasm for April Foolery that gripped the British tabloids in subsequent decades.

#6: Nixon for President
In 1992 National Public Radio’s Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again. His new campaign slogan was, “I didn’t do anything wrong, and I won’t do it again.” Accompanying this announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech. Listeners responded viscerally to the announcement, flooding the show with calls expressing shock and outrage. Only during the second half of the show did the host John Hockenberry reveal that the announcement was a practical joke. Nixon’s voice was impersonated by comedian Rich Little.

#7: Alabama Changes the Value of Pi
The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the ‘Biblical value’ of 3.0. Before long the article had made its way onto the internet, and then it rapidly made its way around the world, forwarded by people in their email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by a physicist named Mark Boslough.

#8: The Left-Handed Whopper
In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a “Left-Handed Whopper” specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, “many others requested their own ‘right handed’ version.”

#9: Hotheaded Naked Ice Borers
In its April 1995 issue Discover Magazine announced that the highly respected wildlife biologist Dr. Aprile Pazzo had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. These fascinating creatures had bony plates on their heads that, fed by numerous blood vessels, could become burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speeds. They used this ability to hunt penguins, melting the ice beneath the penguins and causing them to sink downwards into the resulting slush where the hotheads consumed them. After much research, Dr. Pazzo theorized that the hotheads might have been responsible for the mysterious disappearance of noted Antarctic explorer Philippe Poisson in 1837. “To the ice borers, he would have looked like a penguin,” the article quoted her as saying. Discover received more mail in response to this article than they had received for any other article in their history.

#10: Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity
In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth’s own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.

For another 90 of the best hoaxes of all time visit the Museum of Hoaxes.

Pink Elephant Joke - for which I apologise in advance!

But I couldn’t resist

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the cashier. He can see from
her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. “Ms. Whack, I’d like to
get a £5,000 loan to take a holiday.”

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says
his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay,
he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
collateral.

The frog says, “Sure. I have this”, and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the
bank manager, and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger
out there, who claims to know you and wants to borrow £5,000. And he
wants to use THIS as collateral.”

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is
this?”

The bank manager looks back at her and says……

Wait for it……………………………..

“It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a
Rolling Stone.”

———————————————————————–
I’m throwing another one in as well just for the craic!

An atheist was walking through the woods.
‘What majestic trees’!
‘What powerful rivers’!
‘What beautiful animals’!
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, ‘Oh my God!’

Time Stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. ‘You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.’ ‘Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer’?

The atheist looked directly into the light, ‘It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian’?

‘Very Well,’ said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
.
.
.
.
.
.
‘Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.’

Shannon Matthews Mother Remanded into Custody!

April 9, 2008

The Shannon Matthews story just lurches on! . This is the little 9 year old girl from Dewsbury, West Yorkshire that went missing in February after a swimming lesson. She was found 24 days later safe and well in the base of a divan bed after the biggest search in England for 30 years.

The man whose flat she was in turned out to be Michael Donovan, the 39-year-old uncle of her mothers partner, who has been charged with abduction and imprisonment. He was taken to hospital on Sunday after a case of “serious self harm”, (and we all know what that’s a euphimism for!) but has since returned to Leeds prison.

Her mothers partner, 22 year old Craig Meehan has since been remanded in custody on charges of possessing indecent images of children on his computer!

Then Meehan’s mother and sister, who live next door, were arrested and then released on police bail pending further investigations. His mother, 48 yr old Alice Meehan was arrested on suspicion of attempting to pervert the course of justice and his sister, 25yr old Amanda Hyett on suspicion of assisting an offender.

On Sunday Shannons 32 year old mother Karen Matthews was arrested and today (Wed), appeared at the local magistrates court charged with perverting the course of justice and child neglect. She was remanded in custody for a week. She has 7 children by at least 5 different fathers, 4 of whom were living with her (who are believed to have been taken into care)and 3 who don’t.

The first charge read out was: “On a day between the 18th day of February 2008 and the 15th day of March 2008 at Dewsbury being a person who had attained the age of 16 years and having responsibility for Shannon Matthews, a child under that age, namely nine years, wilfully neglected or abandoned the said child in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering to the said child or injury to her health.”

The second charge was: “That you between the 18th day of February 2008 and the 15th day of March 2008 at Dewsbury, contrary to Common Law with intent to pervert the course of public justice, did a series of acts which had a tendency to pervert the course of public justice in that you repeatedly concealed information in relation to the whereabouts of Shannon Matthews in interviews and other contacts with officers with the West Yorkshire Police and claimed to have no knowledge of her whereabouts.”

Detectives are also investigating reports that someone claiming to be connected to the Matthews family asked for money from the fund set up to help to find the missing toddler Madeleine McCann. Clarence Mitchell, a spokesman for the McCanns, said that the family had received two or three such requests.

Poor little Shannon Matthews has not returned home since her rescue and remains in the care of social services. Apparently it has now emerged that the head teacher of one of Shannon’s siblings raised concerns about their upbringing on 10 occasions. ‘Sources’ have said that the head teacher reported the concerns to senior social workers at Kirklees Metropolitan Council but it was unclear what the concerns were, or which of Shannon’s siblings they related to.

Police overtime alone has cost more than £1 million and 30 detectives have been working on the case since Shannnon disappeared.

It is possible there will be more charges made.

This afternoon the families home in Dewsbury has been boarded up.

There is now speculation that this was a copycat crime based on the TV series Shameless. But the fact that the police are now poring over Paul Abbott’s hit series, specifically the episode in which feckless father Frank Gallagher stages a fake kidnap of his youngest son, Liam, in an attempt to raise a £500,000 ransom, certainly raises it as a possibility. A possibility which, if nothing else, attests to the enduring power of drama.

In this case truth is looking decidely stranger than fiction!

Are you proud to be British?

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish Kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.

Oh and……

- Only in Britain… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
- Only in Britain… do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions - while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
- Only in Britain… do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
- Only in Britain… do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
- Only in Britain… do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
- Only in Britain… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
- Only in Britain… are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION…

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

and finally………

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the
toilet.

(We might be British, but hell we are a funny lot!)

Shannon Found Alive! Missing Schoolgirl found inside bed

March 14, 2008

News reports are just coming in that missing 9 year old schoolgirl Shannon Matthews has been found alive. Shannon, from Dewsbury in West Yorkshire went missing 24 days ago, after being last seen leaving a sports centre after a swimming lesson on her way home. She never reached it, but apparently two 12 year old boys saw her sitting on a wall crying her eyes out. She has not been seen since. One of the biggest searches in the countries history has been going on ever since.

It seems to be emerging that police broke in to a flat in Batley, 2 miles from Shannons house and found her in the divan base of a bed. The flat belongs to a local single man who according to reports, refused to let the police in. A 39 year old man has since been arrested. Shannon was seen being brought out of the flat in a policemans arms and appeared calm. Her mother has been driven off in a police car, presumably to be reunited with her daughter.

Latest: A woman neighbour in Lidgate Gardens, who did not want to be named, said rumours in the street suggested that the man who occupied the flat where Shannon was found lived alone and had children who had been taken into care. The woman who lives downstairs from him tipped off police after hearing footsteps, she said.

BBC News Story



Woman sits on toilet for 2 years! Skin grows around seat

Today I popped in to Ashley Ladd’s Blog and came across a story that really amazed me. Apparently a woman has been sitting on her boyfriends toilet for two years and was found stuck to the toilet seat which her skin had grown around! This was in Ness City, Kansas, USA and its such an amazing story I had to share it with any of my readers who hadn’t come across it already.

Part 1 of Story

Part 2 of Story

Were you born between 1930 and 1980?

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren’t overweight because,

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go- carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound or CD’s, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat rooms……

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives FOR OUR OWN GOOD!



The Day P.Niss asked for a Raise

I, P.Niss hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response

Dear P.Niss:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
V. Gina